circumcisions:

trying to make new friends and then doing something really stupid

*hides good snacks from family members*

greatwhiteprivilege:

• don’t pretend to like me if you don’t
• don’t pretend to be my friend if you don’t like me
• don’t pretend you miss me if you don’t
• don’t
• don’t
• don’t

spacelovemelody:

current emotion: i need money

petparent:

poopflow:

do you ever feel like a plastic bag

No, I always feel like a Prada bag 

i’d be so attractive if i was attractive

donttouchmynewtonballs:

when you’re in a really bad mood and someone tries to cheer you up

starksexual:

i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it

cofeecigarettes:

cj-twig:

i want kids but i dont wanna be pregnant or give birth but i dont wanna adopt either because i want them to be mine do you see my problem

basically you want to be a father

this is the most accurate thing i ever read

dylanobylan:

i’m glad we don’t have To hunt for our food any more.. i don’t even know where Sandwiches live